so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Randomize
