you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
