is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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