help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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