oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
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He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
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So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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