either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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