so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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