I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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