wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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