Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
