hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
