my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
