Can Purell be used as lube?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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