Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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