NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I will be naked everywhere
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
