forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize