I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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