I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
