i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
