who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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