I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
