Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
