mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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