Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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