There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
