Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
