I heard we made out
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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