He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
