I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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