Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
