Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
