Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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