You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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