i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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