PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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