its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
