My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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