xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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