still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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