my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize