You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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