im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
