I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
