look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
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