Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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