I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
