nut hugger
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
