so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
