Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
