You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I want her autograph on my taint
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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