I'm jealous of your bromance
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
