do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
