So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
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My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize