Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize