i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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