i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
