Kareoke will never be a sober sport
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
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I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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