Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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