my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
