i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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