I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
