it was like eating out sand paper
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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