Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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