Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
