I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
