is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
