Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
