If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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