I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.