dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway