So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
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Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.