Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight