Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!