is your mom at the bar?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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