So how was he last night?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
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This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies