Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
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Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
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Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.