pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize