STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
