I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
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There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
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I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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