: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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