How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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